I remember Rick at the moment, wish he were back to me again, wish to have someone as knowledgable, broad-minded, and open-minded as he is to be with me, to share my anxiety together about this life, to be someone who will calm me when I am really very emotional and questioning, and rebellious.
I remember our chat some years ago. I told him that my students didn't find me 'friendly' anymore, a bit strict than the first time they knew me. Rick said, "That's the risk, honey. You are no longer naive. That is the risk to know more things in this life. You cannot think as innocently and as naively as before. You cannot go back to be previous Nana. Accept it, honey. bla bla bla ..."
By reading a lot more than before, by knowing more than before, by discussing more things with many people than before, I cannot go back to be Nana who view this world and its complicated problems from the naive perspective. I find this life getting more complicated, Indonesia has become very bad. I hate to see it. And here, I cannot do anything but shouting, writing in my blog.
I feel restless.
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