Bangkit dari Keterpurukan

 

Sekian tahun yang lalu, satu komunitas alumni kampus -- KAGAMA VIRTUAL -- mengadakan lomba menulis 'inspiring stories'. Semua tulisan yang dikirim ke panitia akan dimasukkan ke dalam antologi 'INSPIRING STORIES'; hal ini lah yang membuatku ikut mengirim tulisan. Aku mengirim 2 tulisan yang kuharapkan cukup inspiring buat yang lain: (1) perjalanan spiritual yang kualami kurasa cukup inspiring, terlahir di sebuah keluarga yang sangat relijius kemudian berkembang menjadi seorang agnostic. Entah menurut orang lain ya. Ha ha (2) pengalamanku sebagai pekerja bersepeda demi Ibu Bumi. Uhuk. Heroik sekali kan? Lol.

 

Dua hari yang lalu seorang kawan menulis status di media sosial, dia menawari para pembaca status itu untuk menulis bagaimana seseorang bangkit dari keterpurukan. Kebetulan kawanku ini -- namanya Hengki -- seorang wiraswasta yang sudah jatuh bangun berkali-kali. Dan dia pede sekali menulis kisah-kisah keterpurukannya dalam berbisnis, demi untuk 'mengajari' para pembacanya agar tidak sampai terpuruk habis-habisan dalam berbisnis karena ketidaktahuan, atau tertipu mitra bisnis, dll. Hengki menawari pembaca yang mau menulis kisahnya, dan dia akan memilih penulis kisah yang beruntung untuk dia hadiahi buku-bukunya. FYI, Hengki ini rajin menulis pengalamannya di medsos, dan dengan pede membukukan kisah-kisahnya itu dan menjualnya. Bisa kukatakan bahwa strategi marketingnya bagus sekali, didukung kepercayaan diri yang tinggi, tentu saja.

 

Dan karena Hengki tidak membatasi kisah bangkit dari keterpurukan ini tidak melulu tentang bangkit dari bisnis yang gagal, pokoknya bangkit dari keterpurukan apa saja, dengan semangat aku menulis kisahku. (Please check the previous link.) Well, ada yang menulis komen di tulisanku bahwa hal yang aku alami itu biasa saja, ga ada bagian 'heroik' bangkit dari keterpurukan, lol. Yaaa mungkin saja begitu ya. Hahaha … barangkali orang itu tidak pernah dengar anak yang diusir oleh orangtuanya karena memutuskan untuk, let's say, pindah 'kepercayaan'. Well, aku cukup beruntung sih, meski dulu Mom ngomelin aku berkali-kali karena aku tak lagi shalat, mengaji (baca alquran), dan tidak pernah membayar utang puasa, beliau tidak pernah mengusirku dari rumah. Padahal satu kali aku sudah bilang ke Angie, "Yang, siap-siap kalau kita diusir dari rumah. Kita cari kos ya?"

 

Sampai Mom wafat di tahun 2018, beliau tidak pernah mengusirku dan Angie. Di beberapa bulan terakhir hidup beliau, saat aku dan Angie menjaga beliau saat opname di rumah sakit (karena kesibukan kami berdua, kami memilih menjaga di malam hari, jam 9 malam sampai jam 6 pagi), Mom selalu memandang kami dengan sorot mata penuh kasih dan terima kasih.

 

Kembali ke postingan Hengki …

 

Ada beberapa orang yang bertanya apakah diperbolehkan menulis bangkit dari kegagalan perkawinan. Weh, hebat ini. Aku ga bisa share kisah seperti ini di depan public je. Sekian tahun yang lalu, di grup KAGAMA VIRTUAL ada seorang perempuan yang menulis kisah berseri tentang kegagalan perkawinannya. Tapi, grup KAVIR itu kan grup tertutup, meski jumlah membernya puluhan ribu orang, tetap saja itu grup tertutup, pembacanya terbatas. Lha postingan Hengki itu selalu for public je.

 

MS48 20.47 25.09.2023

 

Pede Menjadi Berbeda

 

Saya sempat merasa begitu sendiri ketika saya menyadari bahwa cara saya memandang agama yang saya (terpaksa) anut dari kecil telah berubah. Syukurlah saya 'dipertemukan' (secara maya) dengan orang-orang yang memiliki cara pandang yang tidak jauh berbeda dengan saya.

 

Saya terlahir di sebuah keluarga dengan pendidikan agama yang saklek. Kedua orangtua berasal dari keluarga yang kurang lebih sama: berafiliasi dengan Muhammadiyah. Saya diajari membaca huruf hijaiyah sejak duduk di bangku TK, belajar shalat sejak TK juga, dan diajari ikut berpuasa Ramadhan sejak duduk di bangku kelas 1 SD. Bersekolah di satu madrasah alias sekolah agama yang sudah mengharuskan siswi perempuan mengenakan kerudung, di dekade 1970an, saat masih sangat jarang orang mengenakan kerudung.

 

Dengan latar belakang seperti itu, brainwashing terus menerus tidak berarti bahwa saya tidak berpikir kritis atas agama yang saya anut, terutama peraturan yang timpang untuk perempuan. Misal, mengapa dalam pembagian warisan anak laki-laki mendapatkan dua kali lebih banyak dibanding anak perempuan. Belum lagi mengapa laki-laki boleh beristri empat sedangkan perempuan tidak boleh.

 

Kekritisan saya mempertemukan saya pada satu isme yang merupakan awal kebangkitan saya -- meski saya harus menunggu berpuluh tahun kemudian: feminisme. Dari belajar tentang feminisme (thanks to Fatima Mernissi Riffat Hasan atas buku mereka "Setara di hadapan Allah") saya membiarkan cara berpikir saya berkembang liar hingga berani menanggalkan relijiusitas saya.

 

Saya senang dengan keberanian saya melepas belenggu relijiusitas itu, tapi saya merasa asing di lingkungan saya karena saya dianggap aneh. Berpikir bahwa "there is no absolute truth" di dunia ini dianggap aneh di kalangan mereka yang beragama dengan saklek. Bahwa ritual-ritual yang kita lakukan itu tidak berarti apa-apa jika kita hanya mengharapkan ridha dari Tuhan, sebaliknya ritual-ritual yang seharusnya menghasilkan sifat welas asih pada sesama malah justru membuat kita jumawa bahwa kita adalah ahli surga yang lain entah akan berakhir kemana. Cara berpikir begini dianggap aneh di tengah-tengah lingkungan yang lebih mengutamakan ritual-ritual.

 

Saya merasa kesepian. Saat saya merasa 'sangat relijius' dengan melakukan semua ritual, saya merasa memiliki sifat ilahi, sedangkan setelah saya percaya bahwa melakukan ritual tidak berarti apa-apa jika kita tidak peduli pada sesama, saya merasa membumi,saya adalah manusia biasa. Namun justru saya dianggap aneh oleh orang-orang di sekitar saya.

 

B A N G K I T

 

Beruntunglah saya setelah bertemu dengan beberapa orang di media sosial yang memiliki cara berpikir yang tidak jauh beda dengan saya. Salah satu dari mereka -- yang memahami kegelisahan saya dari membaca catatan-catatan yang saya unggah -- memperkenalkan saya pada orang-orang yang berpikir mirip dengan cara saya berpikir. Dalam kehidupan nyata saya dianggap aneh dan mulai dijauhi, di kehidupan maya, saya mulai merasa saya baik-baik saja, saya biasa-biasa saja.

 

Saya merasa bersyukur bahwa tak lama setelah saya 'mendapatkan awakening' (begini saya menyebut proses spiritual saya), datanglah teknologi android yang membuat akses internet terasa murah dan mudah dijangkau. Berada di 'lingkungan' (meski hanya 'maya') membuat saya tidak merasa sendiri, sehingga saya tak lagi merasa memiliki cara berpikir yang aneh.

 

PT56 21.32 23.09.2023

 

N. B.:

Saya sudah menulis artikel yang temanya seperti ini, bisa dilihat di 

 

Social media influence on my spiritual journey

Religious

 

My naivete

 

A spiritual teacher

 

Men from Mars, women from Venus?

 

Men from Mars, women from Venus?

 

I just watched (again) Sex and the City episode 7 from season 2; the title is "The Chicken Dance". In short, the episode tells us about Carrie who gets fed up with Big's inability to pay attention to her; Miranda inadvertently sets her interior designer up with a long-distance would-be boyfriend, and they marry after only four weeks. Charlotte has a "warp speed" relationship with a guy she meets at the wedding. Samantha is upset when she experiences "déjà-screw": sleeping with a guy she previously did fifteen years ago.

 

Carrie scribbling a poem for Madeline and Jeremy's wedding

 

I want to focus on Carrie's case. At Jeremy's wedding (Jeremy was an old 'friend' of Miranda who moved back to New York after living in London for some time. During their communication via emails, both of them were flirtatious, therefore, Miranda expected that they would eventually become couple. However, after Jeremy came to NY, he even fell in love with a woman who decorated Miranda's new apartment, and proposed her to marry him only after four weeks.), Big agreed to accompany Carrie to attend it, one thing that made Carrie very excited. Especially because Big wanted to hear Carrie reading love poem for the bride and the groom. Unfortunately, Big didn't want to sign the card inserted in the wedding gift. Moreover when Big even left the wedding venue when Carrie was reading the poem, because he got an important business call.

 

Before writing this, while browsing some info, I found an article where Chris North said:

 

"Big was what he was. One of the things I tell people is that he never tried to pretend he was anything other than what he was. It was [Carrie] who tried to pretend he was something he wasn’t,”

 

“He was always honest about himself — he never cheated on her. The relationship just didn’t work, and he went on to get married while she went on to — how many boyfriends did she have?"

 

Well, Big didn't cheat on Carrie, but he cheated Natasha. If he did love Carrie, why didn't he marry her? Instead of marrying Natasha but then cheated her?

 

As a woman, I understood what Carrie wanted from Big, she wanted people to know that she and Big were couple so she asked Big to sign the card. (what's wrong with that?) And because Big liked teasing Carrie when she took time writing the poem, why didn't he postpone answering the business call?

 

One loved one of mine sometimes teases me by saying, " For men, it is really difficult to understand a woman," and I think it also happens on the way around, it is not easy for women to understand a man. When you are busy, just tell what makes you busy and don't leave your loved one in the dark. It is as simple as that.

 

MS48 20.25 19.09.2023

 You perhaps will find the synopsis helpful.

Midlife Crisis

 

This morning I accidentally stumbled to this old post of mine. I wrote it 17 years ago and I was less than 40 years. Still very young, I suppose, lol. In this writing of mine, I would write what I questioned myself back then.

 

By the way, when browsing pictures of 'second puberty' to be inserted in that post, I came to this link, and I was interested in the article. It says that people may start having their second puberty at 20s. They may experience psychological and emotional changes, reach the peak of their bone mass and muscle strength. Second puberty at 30s will make people undergo bone and muscle strength decrease, and less fertile than when they are at 20s. People of 40 years of age and above will get natural aging process.

 

This is interesting because I even think that I reached the peak of my bone mass and muscle strength in my mid 30s when I was diligent to do workout -- I did some jogging too when I was at my 20s but no swimming or workout at gym yet -- I joined one fitness center where I did my workout regularly every day.

 

When reaching the age of 40s, my health was also at my peak, so I thought, because I did a lot of biking. As far as I remember I started feeling degeneration in my body when nearing 50s. This makes sense, do you agree?

 

Now, going back to what I wrote in my old post.

 

Well, the term 'second puberty' is more popular here in Indonesia than 'midlife crisis' while in fact what I described in that post referred to midlife crisis: people who somewhat lose their confidence that they are good-looking and still attractive to be seen by others.

 

Luckily (or 'unluckily'?) when I reached the age of 40s, I was already active in social medias besides blogs. As other users, I used the social medias to expose my narcissism, lol, either I posted pictures or I posted my writings, to 'show off' my way of thinking which some people say is far from thecway Indonesian people think. Flirting people online was more acceptable than what my ex private students did, as I wrote in the post. Hahahahah …

 

I am of opinion that midlife crises are kind of psychological problems, whatever the cause is. Psychological problems, in my humble opinion, can be solved by, let's say, confiding in someone (or some ones?) In 2006 -2010 the universe sent someone to my life -- my Abang that I dubbed as my 'Guardian Angel'. I was at the brink of my divorce back then and I had to get away from my ex safely. I really needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen to me whole-heartedly. Besides, as I sometimes write anywhere in my blogs that writing is curing, I write both for public and for myself.

 

Until now my Abang and I are still in contact, but I no longer have that need to talk to him 24 hours a day, lol. I am an adult now. hahahahaha ... 

 

MS48 17.56 18.09.2023

 

LATHI by Putri Ariani

 

 

I was born a fool

Broken all the rules, ooh-ooh

Seeing all null

Denying all of the truth, ooh-ooh

 

Everything has changed

It all happened for a reason

Down from the first stage

It isn't something we fought for

 

Never wanted this kind of pain

Turned myself so cold and heartless

But one thing you should know

 

Kowe ra isa mlayu saka kesalahan

Ajining diri ana ing lathi

 

Pushing through the countless pain

And all I know that this love's a bless and curse

 

Everything has changed

It all happened for a reason

Down from the first stage

It isn't something we fought for

 

Never wanted this kind of pain

Turned myself so cold and heartless

But one thing you should know

 

Kowe ra isa mlayu saka kesalahan

Ajining diri ana ing lathi

 

Putri Ariani

Man = a cheater?

 

“Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls—because they can. It's part of their biology.” Samantha Jones, SATC.

 

Once upon a time, I was just a naïve girl. Then this female friend came into my life. She told me things like what Samantha said to her 3 friends, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte. Of course the trigger was not because Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte were as naïve as me, lol. The four friends were talking about 'cheating curve' that there was possibility for everyone to cheat.

 

Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.

Miranda: That's moral relativism!

Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating. I wanted to tell him that I was afraid he could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was afraid that maybe he didn't really have the capacity to love anyone but himself. I was afraid that given the chance, he'd break my heart again.

 

In the episode, they were talking what things could be defined as cheating: for some people, only to flirt with someone else was already categorized into cheating. For some others, perhaps only flirting was just okay, as long as the partner didn't involve physical actions, such as kissing, necking, petting until intercourse.

 

In that episode, Charlotte caught her (new) date kissing another woman, and he asked for an excuse by saying, "We were just kissing." Miranda then said one of her ex-date who said that fuck*ng was not cheating. In this part, Samantha responded, "Men cheat for the same reason that dog licks their balls."

 

As someone who was raised in a rigidly religious family, I grew up being naïve and I absolutely never thought of cheating. I, in fact, once considered that sex was something filthy even among married couples. Doing something religious was much more respectful for both parties.

 

And this friend came to my life, 24 years ago, to tell me, "Trust me mbak, sex is the first thing on men's mind, during day and night! So if you want to keep your husband to stay loyal to you, give him what he wants: sex." (Note: I was married back then.)

 

 

Then when I continued my study at American Studies Graduate Program, I got to know Toni Morrison, whose novel -- SULA -- was discussed in one subject. What Morrison illustrated in the novel strengthened what my dear friend said to me, "Men want sex. When they don't get it from their wives, they'll look for it outside." Plus, Morrison seemed to have the same opinion with Samantha too: "Men cheat because they can, it's part of their biology."

 

Of course I know that not all men are like what Morrison wrote in SULA. At least I have one role model for this: my own dad. (Bless my mom and dad in heaven.) But I think, I sometimes still feel naïve.

 

PT56 13.59 14.09.2023

 

 

Tari SEMARANG RUMAH KITA

Below is the video of SEMARANG RUMAH KITA dance by KAGAMA BEKSAN SEMARANG, shot by Ranz.

MS48 17.23 11.09.2023

ada 2 penyusup yang bukan penari ikut foto😂

no penyusup 😁 tapi tidak semua penari Kagama Beksan Semarang ikut foto

Kolaborasi Kagama di Festival Kota Lama Semarang

 Berikut beberapa foto yang dijepret oleh Ranz di event Kolaborasi Kagama di Festival Kota Lama Semarang, di Laroka 9 September 2023