Exquisite pain

 

Genangan tipis sesekali pecah dari pelupuk matanya; berulang kali ia hapus sebelum mengalir. Di jendela ada sebintik air, yang letik lalu meluncur pada kaca. Setitik pula menyulur pada pipinya. Betapa aneh. Ia menginginkan rasa sedih ini. Seolah kesedihan menghubungkan ia kembali pada kekasih. Sebab hubungannya dengan lelaki itu tak mungkin lagi mewujud dalam rasa-rasa lain. Hanya sedih yang bisa menjelmakan lelaki itu. Ia mengucap nama itu lirih.

 

(Maya, hal. 10) 

(Note: the above paragraph was written from Yasmin's point of view, one character in MAYA. She was missing Saman, her secret lover.)

 

And just like that I was carried away.

 

The sad atmosphere reminded me of one question from Carrie Bradshaw, "is love without exquisite pain not worth having?" it is similar, although the situation is different. Carrie had to let Big go because Big refused to have a 'deeper' relationship with her while Yasmin had to lose Saman because he was gone without any news.

 

As a masochist, (omg, am I still a masochist?) sometimes I feel the need to shed tears in order to feel I am still alive. Life is not always accompanied by laughter and happiness, life is sometimes with tears and pain. Missing someone who is not always attainable is one example.

 

MS48 18.05 07.09.2023